Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Birthday Holiday

9 years ago I was much dumber.

I was surprised by a pregnancy. And 9 months later, after a long, difficult labor and emergency C-section delivery, I had my first baby in my arms. A little girl who was more beautiful than I deserved. I was happy. I was NOT ready. And like most new moms I was starting down a road of low levels of consistent stress. Everything was a 1st. I didn't have much experiential understanding. You know that gauge inside every mom for her child that reads "Happy & Healthy" on one end to "Dangerous & Life Threatening" on the other? My needle was all over the place. Was that fever ok or terrible?

Thank you, God, for your graciousness. Its a gift, not a reward.

My daughter turned 9 yesterday. In some ways, she is someone I want to be when I grow up. If I were her age, I'd want to be her friend. She's THAT great.

6 years ago (and 2 weeks) I was a bit more ready for baby #2. It seemed there actually WAS room in my heart to love another baby! And yet, I loved this little boy uniquely. Probably because he was a whole new, unique person. I was also more relaxed. It was easier to just love without caution. I found that I loved my little family and I wasn't sure that I would. I mean, I really really love them. They are still my favorite people. In the whole world.

But something unlocked in my heart with this last baby.

I don't just appreciate new life now, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

I am deeply moved by the face of a newborn. Its not just "hope" or "the future" or "life", its deeper and stronger and bigger than those words. Its bigger than any of the words I know or have used before. I feel...intense about new life. Its become a cherished gift to me.

Which makes children an incredible honor.

My baby is 1 today. (yes, I have all September babies, go ahead and giggle)
We tried for more than a year for him. A very long, sad year. And the other two had been praying for a baby longer than that (before Mommy was even ready!). He is cherished by this family. I don't think we've ever been upset with him. Frustrated, sure, but we are just so thankful for him and his whole self that spilling, hair-pulling, lego-wrecking and the demand for Mommy's attention is all worth it.

Bottom line. They are all so worth it. All the babies. Everywhere. And that's smart.