Saturday, April 24, 2010

Light at the End of the Tunnel

October of 2008 was when the conversation began about putting all the songs together in/on one place. And now, over a year and a half later, we've hit the final stages.

This week I will send in the money, artwork and cd and in 3 weeks time....it'll be done.

Done.

And with that final step, a door will close on the stage of life I've held since my son was born almost 5 years ago.

Its more than just the cd. The cd just seems to be the final paragraph in the greater chapter of this story.

About 5 years ago, my son was born. When he was a month old, I attended a woman's retreat during which, through a surprisingly benign series of events, I was delivered of a mute spirit that had been quenching me in worship (!!). Shortly thereafter, I joined my church's worship team again and began to play piano again and was soon leading a team.
Around that same time, our church opened up a small prayer room where people would sign-up and commit to fill a certain time slot with their presence, worship and prayer. The tiny room contained a cd player, butcher paper on the walls with art supplies, a small keyboard and a sound system. If you committed to fill a time slot, all you had to do was arrive...and lock the door behind you for safety!
Since our children were so little, John and I took turns committing to 2 hours a week. It was precious. I loved (and struggled with) being totally alone in quiet and just being real before God. And that's where the songs started - as I groped my way through 2 hours with my racing mind and the company of the Holy Spirit.
About a year later, our little prayer room needed to be used again as commercial space and so it ended. And with that outlet gone, my dad brought me in to help in the Gateway House of Prayer here in St. Louis. And that's where the story hangs out for a while. Worship in World View Community and the Gateway House of Prayer.

Until Now.

Things began "snowballing" in the Grapperhaus house this January. It begins with a phenomenal story of John following the leading of the Lord to return to school and get his Masters degree in Arts Leadership and Management (its such a great story, maybe he'll soon tell it here). While we are starting to take steps toward this open door we find out that we are pregnant again after years of waiting and trying. Of all the times to get pregnant......
Honestly, in the light of the circumstances, it felt most like a tender kiss from our Father God and the confirmation that HE is very strategically involved in our present and future. It just matched the whole theme. John even asked once, "does this mean I don't go back to school now?". No. It just means life is changing.

Here are our logistics: if things keep going this direction then in the fall John will begin a 2 year program with class two nights a week and some pretty intense homework. During that same time, I will work through having a newborn addition while homeschooling my children with less of my husband around. And, I'll be frank, I'm not that juggling, multi-tasking super mom. I'm sure I'll learn new tricks to make it all work, but I don't tend to come by that naturally. I sure love that gift in other women, though.

So, we're finding that soon we'll both need to pull back from everything we've been involved in up to now. I'm sensing an identity shock coming in the future. Ahhh....*shrug*.

If the story weren't so amazing....I mean, I've heard other people have stories like this but I've never lived one. Seeing the hand of the Lord so clearly takes the potential sting out of leaving some things behind.

But I'll probably need the reminder later this year! HA!