Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Today I...

Today I:
*actually yesterday, but that title doesn't pack the same punch

-fasted. broke it with some popcorn by late afternoon and succumbed to the bland yet homey appeal of peanut butter on crackers before bed. I'll figure this out one day.

-threw together a makeshift school day since the cool phonics curriculum will have to wait until next paycheck. carefully tiptoed through the rivers of guilt that tell me I'm ruining my children with my well-intentioned yet poorly organized and under-funded home school antics (you may have to be in my head to get that one) but, from what I hear, its a tape recorded message all home school mothers hear.

-watched Akeelah and The Bee with my daughter (her first time, my 3rd) in order to inspire her to keep loving to learn.

-googled the inspirational quote from the movie just to find that it was written by a modern spiritual guru, touted by Oprah. disappointing. it made the bits in the quote that I didn't like even less likable. Well, we'll just stick with the scriptures about the glory of God.

-watched Mike Bickle speak at Morningstar in their Friday night Outpouring service (its happening in KC and SC - what a day and hour!) about hosting the presence of God. It was so practical and simple and faith building. I suggest it. I had never noticed before, to the degree that I did today, when it struck me - that man in endorsed by God. He's not the funnest guy to watch or the most educated, but his words are weighty.

-read the blog of an atheist who had visited our church the previous Sunday. Its something she does. She goes to churches and then blogs about them. It was not what I expected.

-thought long and hard, as I do most days, only today it had these strands: atheism, belief structures, faith/belief.

-made certain to not bombard John with all my thoughts when he walked in the door.

-went to Aldi without the quarter for the cart. especially unfortunate since my quick trip included milk, oil, bags of apples and a frozen whole chicken. but a young smoking gentleman asked my name and if I had a boyfriend. that's what I get for smiling and being friendly. and how is that supposed to work exactly? I guess I can't fault the guy for trying....with that strategy he should be in sales.

-had an heartfelt and fiery conversation with John about belonging, occupation and success. God love him, John is so patient with my need for inspiring, impassioned dialogues. He is so kind when I ask him to be my sounding board, because I don't ask anyone else. I try so very hard to manage my ponderings on my own, but he's so great about my occasional need for logorrhea (logos-word...'arrhea'). Because the part I'm waiting for are the few calm words that balance out my thoughts.

...and it was during and after this conversation that my fingers found the crackers and peanut butter. One day I will choose my internal wrestling matches...I'm getting there.

...and it is on my radar to soon write song and album updates. This project is....*sigh*