Monday, April 27, 2009

49



49.

Since this Cornerstone contest seems to have the most activity right now, I find myself needing to give it my attention. Currently ranking at 49. I'm sticking with not adding any more promotion myself - its more of a litmus test than anything else. That test being: 'since I'm not sure how this does or does not affect me, I'm staying out of it and letting things fall where they fall. But I will most definitely need to consider the outcome.'


So I ponder these things in my heart - and in my kitchen this Monday morning. See? That's me pondering.

So why make such a big deal out of it? Why not just enjoy the ride and see where it takes me? Why not put all my energy into this, if this could be a career? Why not pursue the dream?

Easy answer. Its not my dream (thank you Mike Bickle for your revelation). With the time that comes with staying at home with small children, I have been able to devote myself to teachings from Mike Bickle, Rick Joyner, Robert Hagan, Abu Bako, and more - be it books or cds. And there are a few extracted principles that apply here.

1. He is my dream. Jesus is my exceedingly great reward. Everything on earth will pass away and when it does, He will remain and that's not the time to decide to try and get to know Him. My dreams toward accomplishment on Earth could never compare to what He would make available to those whose eyes are set on His eyes and His heart and fulfilling HIS DREAM!

2. And thus, as I take pains to position myself to know His heart and His dreams, I have to be purposeful and careful. Not blown about by anything that comes along. I so want to be faithful to His heart and to Him.

I sometimes take this too seriously - lose my fragile grip on joy, etc. If I'm wrestling with anything in this season its the question, "How do You make us glad in the house of prayer?" I mean, its part of the fruit of the kingdom of heaven: righteousness, peace and joy. So where is joy? Hmm. More things to ponder in my heart.

Hi, my name is Bizzy. I'm a compulsive ponderer.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

57

For those interested, at my last look, I've moved up to 57th out of 131 bands at the Cornerstone New Artist Showcase. All I can say is thanks to the people who are out there voting everyday. I've been purposeful about not talking about it, or promoting it overly much - honestly, some is fear but most is a strong desire to just let God author what happens. Since it wasn't on my own radar, I haven't been taking much ownership in the whole thing - all my energy is otherwise budgeted into my other areas of responsibility. So this is interesting. And the question lingers in the back of my mind, "oh no. what if I have to go?"

In other news, I've taken the advice to heart and I'm stickin' with my name! I'm so much happier with keeping the whole thing, bizzygrapperhaus, than shortening it in some way. So thank you Rachel, Mindy and Charis. I'm also taking Charis' sage advice and grabbing up bizzygrapperHOUSE.com since its a very common misspelling and we'll just redirect those poor spellers to the proper site. We've got some fellas working on it now - even video! I know, fancy, right?
I read this today and just loved it. 2 Samuel 7:19b. Its right after David got those promises from God, one of the things he says is,"Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord?" Its so great. When I read it, it unfolds in my mind like David's blubbering, crying Academy Award speech before God. He's choking his words out, eager to say them, but they're a little garbled as they make their way through his emotions.

So, let me give a shout out to Charis Scofield, beautiful woman of God in Redding, CA.; mother of 3 handsome boys; worshipper; builder of a House of Prayer in Redding. Check out her words of wisdom at http://www.charisscofield.com

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Fast Foward - Grapper Who?

I heard Cindy Jacobs say once that God seems to have two speeds, Pause and Fast Forward. I love that. I get that.

Desert & whirlwind. Echoing emptiness & Christmas morning. Dead calm & high seas. I dunno, I think I'm beleaguering the point.

And how often have I squandered the rest and refueling of Pause in pouting and self examination, wondering why nothing is happening?

How often I have I fearfully squandered Fast Forward by retreating and throwing up the stop sign?

Thankfully, I'm getting more accustomed to His pace and I'm learning to respond better though I still get impatient and alternately, I still get scared.

Anyway....

Domain name. I'm in a bind. I followed the leading of the Lord into a better than expected marriage, but I inherited a difficult, 3 syllable last name. I've grown to love the name. Love how I can identify telemarketers quickly - love how I can always see who has done the research to spell it correctly, etc..

Think of the worship leaders you can name. 2 syllable last names! And none too ethnic either excepting Zschech. Houghton, Edwards, Beeching, Whickam. Don't get me started on the unfair nature of the name Power! Their name IS their domain name. But the consensus is to ditch Grapperhaus. Its understandably too long, too weirdly spelled, too many syllables. But I just don't know what to do. Just 'Bizzy' is already taken everywhere - .com, .org, .net.

I'm in a bind.

Suggestions are welcome.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Jacob

The song Jacob was born from what feels like innumerable points of disconnected revelations from times of worship, gleanings from my own experiences or the experiences of others and just desires from reading the word.

It took me a very long time to write and develop - on of the longest so far. I had a chord progression I had found while messing around that I really liked - which became the 'one way' chord progression. Such good energy, but I had nothing to go with it.

I did Bible research (mostly w/Strong's Concordance) into the story of Jacob's wrestling. It took hours and eventually turned into 6 pages of notes.

Highlights:

- Jabbok means "emptying". the experience empties him of reliance on his natural strength, his Supplanting tendencies.

- Prevailing WITH God. He kept up with the angel. Jesus is waiting for bride that can keep up with him, that can contend alongside him. This is what equally yoked looks like.

- Touched on his side. His reward for enduring with the angel was greater weakness.
- Song of Solomon 8:5-6 where the bride is graduating from the wilderness by leaning on her Beloved.
- John the Baptist called it "I must decrease, He must increase".
- Jesus told Peter his reward for feeding the lambs was to be so at the mercy of another (we can put God here) that Peter would be clothed and led about by Him. John 21:18.
- I see and established precedent for walking with God results in a greater reliance on Him.

- Supplanter/Prince With God. He was born with a God given ability/calling to rule over people and places like a prince. He wasn't born into people or places. He wasn't in line to inherit people or places and so he used his natural ability in his natural strength which resulted in a defiled result. The goal is to yield our natural strengths to God, aka weakness/leaning/limping. The correct equation is God given ability/calling + God's strength yields Prince With God.

The research was like fireworks going off. Completely enjoyable and exciting. The labor was putting it into a song. It took long bouts of time at the piano, several tries and LOTS of praying in the Spirit.

But it has become a song that people in our prayer community enjoy.

Whew.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Journey Into the Work

I have always been fascinated by the journey an artist undertakes while they make a piece. It is very likely I never thought of these things until I married an artist and these things became part of my life, thoughts, conversations, etc.. But very often the story behind the work is as fascinating, and often much more fascinating, than the work itself.

Peeking into the lives of Toulouse-Lautrec and his friend and fellow artist Van Gogh speaks so strongly of their personalities, perspectives on life and from that vantage point their work becomes so much more than paint on canvas.
Here's Toulouse. He's cynical, bombastic and dark. He hangs out in bars and with questionable characters. Due to a little too much marrying of 1st cousins he had some strong deformities.
Van Gogh. He was sensitive, son of a pastor and prone to melancholy. He would swing between hope and hopelessness and eventally shot himself.

Or am I just a creeper?

Here's my point: I'm gonna use this area to talk about "what" and "why" behind the songs. I always wonder with other people's songs, art, etc., and I thought I would make it readily available. For the creepers.